Musings from the God of Cities

below you'll find a story of my friend b's recent adventures. take the story as you will. i don't condone his actions, though i did get a chuckle out of reading about them. hopefully you will, too:


So here's a little story, I've got to tell…

So the other Thursday night I went out before I was leaving for a trip back to Western New York and had a few drinks. Quite a few, actually, and with an early start, as I went to the pub pretty much right after work. Ended up at Bukowski's, a normal outcome, with a bunch of friends. Had a few there, as well as my first food for the evening (time: 1:30AM). Closed the second pub of the night, and bid my adieus to the people I was with.

About two blocks from my start point, I'm passing a house and I hear this voice say, what I think to be:
"You gotta light?"
I stop, and look towards the voice, still walking down the street.
Then the voice says:
"Hey man, you gotta problem?"
Great. My response is continuing up the street, hoping that dude will get the hint and lose interest.
Not so:
"What was that look for? Why you looking at me like that?"
"Hey man, I'm just trying to get home to bed."
"Nah, nah man, what's your problem? Why you looking at me like that?"
"I didn't even see you until you said something to me, man. I'm just going home."
Now, all the while this is going on, I'm walking down the street, aware of what's going on behind me, but not giving the guy a reason to keep giving me shit. However, the dude is decidedly not losing interest, and has been following me up the street. I'm not really a fighter, I've never been in a fight, though I've talked myself out of more than a couple. I'm really not interested in having my first fight be when I'm pretty drunk and high from my evening at 2:30AM on my way home from a good night out with friends. I'm trying to talk/maneuver my way out of this, but it doesn't seem to be working, especially since the next thing that happens is me getting hit by a trash bag that our man just threw at me. Now I stop, as it's obvious I'm not just walking away.

"What the fuck?"
The guy comes up to me.
"You got $10? You gimme $10, we'll call it even."
Incredulous: "Nah man, I don't have $10."
Now I did have $10, but I'll take a couple of blows and hit this kid in the head a couple times before I give him $10. He's shorter than me, and about the same size as me, so I'm certainly not just going to get beaten.

"C'mon man, you got $10, gimme $10."
"I don't have it. I've been out at the pub all night, I don't have $10."
"You been out drinking?"
"Yeah, I was at the pub. I'm going home to bed."
"You fucked up man?"
Where is this kid going ?
"Yeah, I was at the pub, I'm fucked up."
"You smoke herb, man?"
WTF?
"Yeah."
"You wanna have a smoke?"
"Sure man, you wanna smoke, we can smoke right now. I have a bat."
For the uninclined, a bat is a small one hitter, that's perfect for going out.
Now, I know you're wondering, why would I smoke some dude up that just threw a trash bag at me and wants $10? Basically, if I could have a smoke with this dude (especially since it was pretty guaranteed I would have done so on the walk home anyway) and walk away from a possible fight, why not?

"Come back with me and have a smoke with me and my friend. What's your name, man? Sorry about starting shit with you, I'm drunk and was looking for a fight."

No shit.
"Whatever man, sure. I'll come have a smoke, my name's Ben."
Honestly, why not? It was easier to say yes, then listen to more shit from this dude when I try to walk away. It didn't work the first time. Besides, I'm getting the feeling the guy's chilled out a bit.

We walk back through the gate I was first accosted from and back to a doorway on the side of this house. This kid is rolling a blunt, leaning against the doorway.

"Hey man, this is --- (I forget the guy's name, it doesn't matter). He's rolling us up a blunt to smoke."
Thanks, Sherlock.
"Word. I've got a bat as well." I take a bat hit. Shit, I needed one.
Idle chatter ensues, the gist of which was they were hanging out all night boozing, blah blah, this dude's spoiling for a fight, apologizes several times for being a jackass. Good natured townies, all told. Turns out they're like 21 and 22.

We smoke the blunt, guy wants my phone number, I give it to him. He calls it telling me I better not have given him a wrong number (Okay, buddy). Chicks do that shit, he says. Big surprise. My phone rings, now we have each other's number. Fantastic. I don't even remember dude's name. My phone does. Good enough.

Finally, it's time for me to get on getting on. Guy asks me where I live, I tell him Central Square.
"Yo, you want a ride home?"
"No man. I'll just walk." Ninja, please. You think I want a ride home from your monkey ass?
"You better be careful. That's a bad neighborhood."
"I don't think so. I've lived here for 5 years, and haven't ever been bothered by anybody. Until tonight. By you."
Guy turns all red.
"Man, sorry about that. I'm an asshole."
Yep, you sure are.
But, he did get me high. Gotta give him that.
I take off, walk home, go to bed. I was ready for bed.

So, that's my story. How Ben walked into a shit storm, and came out safe (for those who don't get the double meaning, "safe" is another way some of us say "high"). I hope you all enjoy it.

-B