Wednesday, December 01, 2004
occam's razor burn
mr. eejit was telling me about the elevators at the hospital where he works. he said that there were two elevators. the regular one, and the service elevator. mr. eejit said that the only thing wrong about the about the service elevator was that if you took it, you'd have to ride "with patients".
as i'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, i initially thought he meant "patiently, as the elevator is slow." but then i realized that that didn't exactly make sense and thought, "oh, maybe he means that there's an elevator operator, and her name is Patience, and boy is she a pistol!"
i finally got what he meant on my third try.
i guess it's true what they say, "if at first you don't succeed, you're a complete moron.
as i'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, i initially thought he meant "patiently, as the elevator is slow." but then i realized that that didn't exactly make sense and thought, "oh, maybe he means that there's an elevator operator, and her name is Patience, and boy is she a pistol!"
i finally got what he meant on my third try.
i guess it's true what they say, "if at first you don't succeed, you're a complete moron.
# posted by Sweatpants Money : 12/01/2004 05:26:00 PM
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I wasn't aware that they said that. from now on, I will be sure to yell out "You moron!" to anyone I see fail at anything.
So these mofos approach me in the st. yesturday, and I'm in full bad ass regalia, chains dangling, sunglasses, shit kickers, abnormally red hair, leather biker jacket, ya know -- and this dude is like, "can I ask you a question?" while the other dude is holding up this video camera and focusing it on me. This is obviously very scandalous, so pensively i retort, "What...?" He goes "what would a perfect world look like to you?"
What a loaded, obscure and difficult question to be asked on the spot -- & by stangers no less. This would thrown anyone for a loop, but not the Kid C. I have often pondered on my perfect world and it's frickin fantastic: a 3-dimensional acid trip, interwined with vibrance, genetics, race, harmony, health, literature, prosperity, science, tolerance, music, colors, bunny rabbits, spirituality, fat free peanut butter and peace with a big black phonebook filled with the names of cute 22 year old boys who love me unconditionally and I certainly don't obsess over calling and emailing a million times before I actually get the point, of which, I never do. And now here's my chance, FINALLY, to share my vision, wit, talent and ingenious on camera for the world, or maybe just a room of grad students, to see and get my very past due recognition.
But the problem was marco, that I hadn't had my daily espresso yet and the Starbucks was just a half a block away. literally dying, I could see its bold green and white lettering teasing and taunting me from it's storefront the oh so short distance away. I couldn't take it. I just couldn't.
so I look this dude in the face and I'm like, "Blue!" very sharp, blunt and matter of fact, as if he had just asked me the color of the sky, and I was offended by the obviousness and interuption. then I stormed off toward the Starbucks.
"Thanks," he called out. "Yeah," I waved back.
So these mofos approach me in the st. yesturday, and I'm in full bad ass regalia, chains dangling, sunglasses, shit kickers, abnormally red hair, leather biker jacket, ya know -- and this dude is like, "can I ask you a question?" while the other dude is holding up this video camera and focusing it on me. This is obviously very scandalous, so pensively i retort, "What...?" He goes "what would a perfect world look like to you?"
What a loaded, obscure and difficult question to be asked on the spot -- & by stangers no less. This would thrown anyone for a loop, but not the Kid C. I have often pondered on my perfect world and it's frickin fantastic: a 3-dimensional acid trip, interwined with vibrance, genetics, race, harmony, health, literature, prosperity, science, tolerance, music, colors, bunny rabbits, spirituality, fat free peanut butter and peace with a big black phonebook filled with the names of cute 22 year old boys who love me unconditionally and I certainly don't obsess over calling and emailing a million times before I actually get the point, of which, I never do. And now here's my chance, FINALLY, to share my vision, wit, talent and ingenious on camera for the world, or maybe just a room of grad students, to see and get my very past due recognition.
But the problem was marco, that I hadn't had my daily espresso yet and the Starbucks was just a half a block away. literally dying, I could see its bold green and white lettering teasing and taunting me from it's storefront the oh so short distance away. I couldn't take it. I just couldn't.
so I look this dude in the face and I'm like, "Blue!" very sharp, blunt and matter of fact, as if he had just asked me the color of the sky, and I was offended by the obviousness and interuption. then I stormed off toward the Starbucks.
"Thanks," he called out. "Yeah," I waved back.
hee. my friend amanda and i were recently eating at one of my favoritest places in the world, this ramen place minca (http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B0DE1DC1F3BF937A25754C0A9629C8B63) at the same time that some japanese t.v. crew was filming the restaurant. they asked me and my friend amanda if they could interview us, and we agreed. first they taped us eating. now, i'm not a graceful person by any stretch of the imagination. like elaine said on seinfeld, "i don't have grace, i don't want grace, i don't even say grace, okay?" so, the sight of me eating ramen, (noodles, broth, chunks of pork, a variety of mushrooms, etc.) while trying to maintain a “faux-casual” air was probably a bit much for the viewers at home. then came the interview. the interviewer asked me a bunch of questions (how did i find out about this place? what do i think of ramen? etc.) luckily, i didn’t revert to “feral child” mode which i usually do when i strangers talk to me, and i surprised myself by actually giving multi-word (though not actually interesting) responses. i now wonder if they showed the footage of me back in japan. and if so, how big of a sex-symbol am i over there now?
I think the problem here, is with the pattern of my speech. I'm Irish, so items in my stories tend to come out in the wrong order. I was trying to make a point about the gross post-surgery stuff and nervous folk on their way to the O.R. that you see in the service elevator. Unfortunately you were so amused by the elevator with patients, that I never got to the subject of the story. That'll teach me to not share anything personal with you again, ever.
we've been friends for almost 10 years, and you're only now realizing that you shouldn't share anything personal with me? boy, you _are_ slow.
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